Developing resilience; the three critical ingredients

Resilience determines whether you succeed or fail in life. It's true in sports, business, and entertainment, and it's true in your life.
Many of the early theories about resilience stressed the role of genetics. Some people are just born resilient, so the argument went. Of course, there's some truth to that, but empirical evidence today shows that resilience can be learned. The reality is that sometimes you don't realise how much resilience you have until you are tested. 
As the saying goes: cometh the hour, cometh the man. 
There are many arguments around what makes one individual more resilient than the next. In my experience, it comes down to three things;

A unique ability to confront reality head-on
Individuals with a strong bias and an abundant reservoir of personal resilience live in a constant state of reality. As a result, they don't bury their head in the sand when faced with challenging times.

They don't go into denial, hoping that a situation or scenario will sort itself out. And they're never delusional about the magnitude of their opportunities or challenges. Instead, they have a unique ability to confront reality head-on. They are what I call 'pragmatic optimists'.

A common belief is that resilience stems from an optimistic mindset. While that's true up to a point, it applies only when optimism doesn't distort reality. In extreme scenarios and situations, rose-tinted thinking can spell disaster. 

When researching his 2001 book Good to Great, Jim Collins wanted to determine how companies transform themselves out of mediocrity. Collins had a hunch (a wrong hunch!) that resilient companies were filled with optimistic people. 

He tested his thinking on Admiral Jim Stockdale, who was held prisoner and tortured by the Viet Cong for eight years. Collins recalls: I asked Stockdale: 'Who didn't make it out of the camps?' And he said, 'Oh, that's easy. It was the optimists. They were the ones who said we were going to be out by Christmas. And then when that day passed, they said Easter, and then the Fourth of July and out by Thanksgiving, and then it was Christmas again.' Then Stockdale turned to me and said, 'You know, I think they all died of broken hearts.'

Collins found the same unblinking attitude shared by executives at all the most successful companies he studied in the business world. My personal experiences, whether in business or personal life, show this too. Like Stockdale, resilient people have a sober and down-to-earth view of those parts of reality that matter for survival.

Now, this is not to diminish optimism. On the contrary, when you're turning around a demoralised team or helping an individual through a difficult time, confidence and possibility are powerful. But for more significant challenges, a new, calm, almost pragmatic sense of reality is critical to your success.
 
This is why I see the resilient, high achiever as a pragmatic optimist, where both characteristics work in positive tension to benefit each other.

We all tend to slip into denial as a coping mechanism. Yet, facing reality is gruelling work. It can often be draining and emotionally wrenching. But once you're prepared to confront your reality, you have a robust platform to build.

An unwavering belief that life is purposeful
In his book Man's Search for Meaning (1946), Viktor E. Frankl, an Austrian psychiatrist and Auschwitz survivor, described a pivotal moment in the concentration camp when he developed meaning therapy.
He was going to work one day, worrying about trading his last cigarette for a bowl of soup. He wondered how he would work with a new foreman, whom he knew to be cruel. Suddenly he was disgusted by how trivial and meaningless his life had become.

He realised that to survive, he had to find some purpose. Frankl did so by imagining himself giving a lecture after the war on the psychology of the concentration camp to help outsiders understand what he had been through. Although he wasn't sure he would survive, Frankl created goals for himself. In doing so, he succeeded in rising above the suffering. 'We must never forget that we may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation when facing a fate that cannot be changed.'
Most researchers agree that this dynamic of meaning-making and creating purpose is how resilient people build bridges from their current state of reality to a compelling future state.

An uncanny ability to improvise and adapt
In a word, it's bouncebackability. Yes, you read that correctly. It is an accurate word, albeit a recent addition to the English dictionary. Its official definition is 'the ability to be successful after a period of failure'. Ex-footballer Iain Dowie first coined it as the Crystal Palace Football Club manager, who famously described his team as showing' great bouncebackability'.
Behind the great success are years of dedication, trial and error, mistakes, successes and setbacks. But, of course, achievers don't always get it right, and, yes, in some situations, they might fail (or experience what others perceive as failure). I know I have experienced stunning successes and some fantastic shortcomings. But I view the failures as learning opportunities, stepping-stones to the ultimate goal. And if plan A doesn't work, the great news is that there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

Imagine bouncing a rubber ball; the more complex the ball hits the ground, the higher it bounces back. That's bouncebackability! You'll take knocks, some days will feel like a train crash, and you will go down blind alleys. But suppose you have an ultimate destination in your mind's eye, a focused goal and purpose coupled with drive, determination and motivation. In that case, when you fall over, you'll pick yourself up, dust yourself off, improvise, adapt and refocus on your goal.
That's personal resilience in action!

take action; achieve more